PJO Couples on Crack
by bubbly chick
Summary: Hipster couples. Couples you've never heard of. 'Heartwarming' moments between PJO couples that would never last and hopefully won't happen.
1. Tyson and Katie: Tatie

PJO Couples on Crack

Couples we all know that shouldn't happen. "Heartwarming moments" between couples that never would last.

Couple: Tyson and Katie. "Tatie"

Warning: Has some purposeful OOC, just to show how insane this is. May cause extreme case of WTFRS: What the Fuuuu Repeating Syndrome. Read at own risk. ;)

And yes, you will wonder: What crack was this chick on when she wrote this!

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><p>Katie plopped the peanut butter onto the wheat bread (she liked to keep her big guy all healthy and such) and sang a tune as she washed her hands free from the glop that snuck onto her hand, and delightfully entered Tyson and her living room.<p>

"Hey, Ty-Wy-My-Wittle-Guy!" Katie squealed, pinching Tyson's cheeks before setting the plate on the coffee table before him. He clapped his hands with joy.

"Hello! You made Tyson a sandwich!" he rejoiced, vacuuming the entire thing whole. Katie awed. He was so adorable! She was so glad she dumped Travis for this manly man.

"Katie? Will you make Tyson another one?" he asked ever so adorably. Katie giggled and joyfully skipped back to the kitchen to make him another peanut butter sandwich just the way he liked it.

Suddenly, Katie gasped. "Oh, no!Tyson's brother Percy and his lover would be coming over for dinner tomorrow night!"

She most absolutely had to start preparing! She rushed to make some flowers from her window sill to brighten up the room. She arranged a bright bouquet of yellow and red roses in a vase on their table.

"Ooh!" she said. An alluring thought danced in her head. She bloomed some roses and went to surprise her man.

"Oh! Beautiful!" he cried, smelling the red roses Katie had placed in his lap. She blushed.

"Yes they are, just like you!" she tiptoed her finger on Tyson's nose ever so adoringly.

"NO! You are the most beautiful Tyson laid his eye on!" Tyson insisted.

"No, you're the most beautiful thing I laid my eyes on." Katie insisted louder.

"No! YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING!" Tyson claimed at the top of his lungs.

"NO! YOU ARE!"she belted.

"NO! YOU ARE!"he cried.

"Forget it. We're both the happiest thing that happened to one another!" Katie insisted, relaxing back onto the sofa. She and Tyson never fought so viciously before over such a vital matter like that before! But it was over now, and Katie was fantastically thankful.

"Turn on the television, please! Our show should be on right now!" Tyson suddenly remembered. Katie spastically flipped the TV on and turned to an insect channel.

"_The majestic butterfly releases itself from the chrysalis and opens its beautiful wings…"_ Tyson awed as multiple butterflies showed their wings off. He clapped his hands wildly as more butterflies displayed their beautiful wings.

Katie told Tyson each flower that a butterfly was taped at, and Tyson would express joy at each name. They ever so adoringly snuggled into another's arms and watched intently the beautiful butterflies on the screen.

Katie kissed Tyson, who began to blush, and she knew she would never be happier in her life than she was now in Tyson's arms.

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><p><strong>Hey friends! Welcome to PJO couples on crack. We all know that these two, would never make it as 'heartwarming' as this moment was. Up next we have Percy and guess who his lover shall be?<strong>

**And, honestly re-reading this cracks me up. **

**Don't hate me. This is a parody, so put those damn torches down! I made this cheesy, OOC, and unrealistic on purpose. Geez.**

**Disclaimer:(Don't own PJATO, any of the characters…or any crack.)**

**:P**

**~Bubbles **


	2. Percy and Nancy: Pancy

PJO Crack Couples!

Percy and Nancy Bobofit: Pancy

That name is hilarious. –cracks up-

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><p>Nancy hustled herself into a bright orange dress to match her frizzy, untamed hair as she prepared for Juniper and Tyson's dinner get-together. Her already applied self-tanner was an equal color with her bright dress, but she'd beat up Percy on the couch if he whispered a word about it.<p>

But, he knew she was sensitive like a bunny so it would be okay.

She hooked some dangly long green earrings that she 'borrowed' from a friend in fifth grade and began applying her much needed make up onto her rather oily skin.

Percy walked into their bathroom. "Hey, Nancy-Wancy…which shirt do you fancy better? Yellow with green stripes, or purple with blue dots?"

"Yellow," she grunted as she applied bright blue eye shadow on her lids.

Percy teased, "Then it's purple without a doubt!"

She punched him in the stomach. He didn't get hurt or anything, just a sense of inferiority.

But, Percy knew his little sugar plum never meant intentional harm. She only reacted when her defensive instincts required!And she wasn't very warm when it came to expressing her feelings.

Or so she said…

"Did you take the muffins out of the oven yet, Percy?" she called to him, spraying some flowery perfume on to cover her rather 'manly' scent.

"Yes! Do you want the brownies to come out now or…?" he asked from his closet where he was getting dressed.

The brownies! She forgot to put them in the oven!

Quickly applying some fuchsia lipstick, she frantically put the batter into the oven then sprinted back to the bathroom.

"Yeah, go check on the brownies, Percy-Fishy, honey!" she said as he walked into the bathroom, grabbing some dark red blush and applying it to her orange-ish skin.

He raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "I can't even smell them yet. They probably aren't done."

Nancy sighed with relief. "When are we planning on leaving?"

"In ten minutes-"Percy replied, until he was cut off.

"You mean whenever I'm ready?" she corrected.

Percy nodded and left the bathroom so Nancy could finish pampering herself in peace.

Percy loved how she took control of everything and made him feel more manly when he ended up doing all her work. Just manlier. Besides, Annabeth wasn't as girly as she was. Nancy would take Percy shopping on his own money, but the experience was worth every nickel.

Even though she made him sleep on the floor in his apartment, and she chose the TV channels as well to where they'd be going/ what they'd be doing, because it made her feel comfortable…heck knowing his little droplet of joy was happy made Percy content enough.

He checked on the brownies, finding they were still liquidly formed, and called out to Nancy.

"Maybe we should get another oven! This one must be broken," Percy shouted.

Nancy dropped her eyelash curler. "What?" she shouted.

Oh, no, she thought.

"Yeah, it's broken! I mean you put the brownies in twenty minutes ago and they're not cooking!"

He won't be mad, Nancy. Tell him you forgot so he doesn't waste his money on a new oven when that money could be spent on my clothes or necessities! Nancy thought.

"Honey, actually-" she began to tear up. Tears began flowing from her dull eyes.

"Yes, darling?" Percy asked, walking into the bathroom.

Her mascara was dripping and her make up was ruined. "I didn't put the brownies in twenty minutes ago. I put them in five-"

Percy shushed her with his finger. "Silence, my dear. Now explain."

She sobbed, "I was so busy getting ready that I forgot!" Percy pulled her into a tight hug.

She soiled his purple shirt with her tear stains, but whatever. He deserved it for causing this ordeal to happen. He shouldn't have worried about the brownies in the first place.

"There, there. I know, I know. Now here!" Percy calmed, forming some water out of the sink and directing it to clean her face.

She was no longer orange, so her oily pale skin submerged. All the other make up was gone.

Her dress was wet so he took the water out of it.

"There, much better! Now fix yourself up! We're leaving in ten minutes!"

"'No, whenever I'm ready," she corrected, grabbing her tan foundation and beginning to apply it.

Percy took it from her hands, and he put it down. "How about we just skip tonight? I'll go call my brother, and we can just call in sick."

Nancy nodded, but she was personally angry with him. She wasted so much make up! He'd have to buy her some more or else.

After putting the phone down, Percy took off his shirt, leaving on his undershirt."Besides, I'm feeling like dessert." He climbed onto his bed.

Nancy understood.

()()()()()

"These brownies are just delicious!" Percy complimented as he ate another bite with blue ice cream in his bed, watching the screen intently as an action movie was playing.

Nancy hit him on the arm and hissed, "Shut up! I missed what the bad guys said, idiot!"

Percy apologized. She huffed. He ate another bite. She stole some of his brownie and ate it.

Meh.

After watching some huge explosives, Percy knew he was in the most adventurous relationship, ever with his sweetheart, Nancy Bobofit.

He was glad they met up on a blind date. Then he realized they had been childhood sweet hearts! She would pick on him because she couldn't express her feelings.

So with every punch, yell, order, hit, kick, or painful encounter, Percy was falling in love with her all over again.

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><p><strong>Wowie, guys. This was disturbing. Abusive relationship for the guy up there, huh?<strong>

**Well, many thanks for reading! Leave a review, please!**

**Reminder: This is a parody! It's supposed to be this way for humorous purposes! Don't flame, that would be ridiculous! **

**(I don't own PJATO, or any of the characters! They belong to Rick Riordan and whoever else has authority to own them as well!)**

**Thanks!**

**:D**

**~Bubbles **


	3. Nico and Chiron: Niron

PJO Couples on Crack

Couples we all know that shouldn't happen. "Heartwarming moments" between couples that never would last.

Nico and Chiron: Niron

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><p>Nico's hair was blowing in the wind on the beach, and Nico couldn't help but shiver. He was on his partner Chiron's back so he at least felt safe. So he leant in closer to his equestrian mate, hooking his pale arms around his neck closer.<p>

Chiron on the other hand had chills because the shocking feeling that Nico gave him, just sitting on his back, gave him the sensation.

Why were the two out on the beach like this? What was this for? What does this mean?

They were secretly in love.

Chiron insisted that he have some one-on-one time with Nico to teach him some lessons. Nico understood the hidden depth to this statement as the other campers saw this as favoritism.

It all started when Nico ate with Chiron and Mr. D at meals, played poker, and when Chiron patted Nico on the back after the war. Then the two began to look at another differently, in a new light.

Then the magic happened. After many horseback rides, death tricks, and poker games…the two began to feel something warm, cozy, and loving between the two.

"Nico, I have actually brought you here to teach you a lesson!" Chiron declared, coming to an abrupt halt on the windy beach.

Nico gasped, "What lessons could be more important than our love?" Nico dramatically turned away from Chiron. Tears began forming in his black death eyes.

Chiron sighed. "No, young demi-god admirer. Nothing can ever compare to this love. But, I must teach you a , lesson!"he cried to his lover insistently.

Nico bit his lip, trying not to cry. "Go on, My Little Bronie."

Chiron touched his heart. Nico was so poetically quixotic. "Nico, I must teach you a certain lesson before our relationship can proceed. You must learn how to feel free as a butterfly."

Nico turned to his lover with wide eyes, "Repeat that, my aficionado, please."

Chiron's hair flickered in the wind as he turned from the sea and looked deeply at his one true love, "Feel free as a butterfly."

Nico nodded, "Anything for you, no matter how ridiculous."They held another and turned to the sea again, beginning to discuss the grace of the butterfly in their newly passionate discussion, the only sounds to disrupt them the was the waves crushing the rocks and the rapid beats of another's heart.

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><p>I think this is my favorite chapter so far. I hope no one minds the surprise gay, pedo, and beastiallity relationship. I think love has no limits when it comes to age, race, background, or GENDER. Be respectful please if you disagree.<p>

But honestly, just the thought of this cracks me up. Up next we will have Annabeth. Guess who her lover is!

Reminder: This a parody and shouldn't be taken to the heart literally. Don't cut me, pwease.

Thanks for reading and leave a review, please!

(Don't own PJATO…or any crack.)

:P

~Bubbles


	4. Annabeth and Surprise Lover

**(PS- this is in the third POV of Annabeth's unfortunate roommate, Sheryl**)

PJO Couples on Crack

Couples we all know that shouldn't happen. "Heartwarming moments" between couples that never would last.

Annabeth and Secret Lover that we find out at the end!

Warning: Has some purposeful OOC, just to show how insane this is. May cause extreme case of WTFRS: What the Fuuuu Repeating Syndrome. Read at own risk. ;P

And yes, you will wonder: What crack was this chick on when she wrote this!

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><p>Annabeth's phone's annoying little jingle could be heard throughout the dorm. Annabeth squealed in delight after noticing who the caller was and flipped the phone open immediately. "Hey my little snukums!"<p>

A voice from the other side sounded as googily and gushy. Sheryl shut her book wearily. There wouldn't be any way for her to concentrate now, so what's the point of studying irregular Spanish verbs?

"Ah! You are too perfect, sweetie pie!" a little pause, "AW! You did! You're too sweet, you little pookie bear! A necklace for me! It must have cost a fortune-oh yeah. I forgot how you, ya know, do that thing!" she cooed.

Sheryl closed her eyes, wondering if jumping out the window would be better than listening to the two love bird gawk at one another. She couldn't leave the room: it was past curfew at the boarding school. She'd get detention for a week if caught out after hours! And her parents would be notified, and she'd have to miss volleyball to scrape gum of desks for an hour, and she'd probably not get to play in the games. But that sounded much more tempting as Annabeth began making kissy sounds at the phone in her hand.

Sheryl turned to look at Annabeth, who was sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce on her bed, giggling into the phone. She gave the "Shut up and hang up before I snatch that damn phone and chuck it out the window" look. Annabeth rolled her eyes. "I have to go, baby. Call me back tomorrow?" her voice was back to its normal pitch. "Good!" she said smiling. "No you hang up first. No-no! No, you should. You do! Honey bun, you hang up on me right now- HEY!" Annabeth whined as Sheryl grabbed the phone and snapped it shut. "He'll think I hung up on him!"

Sheryl facepalmed and walked back to her desk wearily. She opened her Spanish book again and as she was so close to finally remembering the forms of those verbs when Annabeth began to ask Sheryl either rhetorically or expecting an answer, "Do you think he'll call me back?"

Sheryl wanted to slam her book to her forehead. She spun around in her plastic spinny chair, a fake sweet smile plastered on her face, but her murderous eyes made it obvious that Sheryl wasn't amused. "Maybe. He could get tired of you eventually, Annabeth. If you get too clingy..." she warned. That ought to do it.

Annabeth arched a brow. "Oh don't say that! Oh, stop being jealous of me and my snuggums! You're just jealous that you and Wade didn't last, and it's so obvious!" she decided and with a hmph, flipped her curly hair.

Sheryl knew Annabeth thought she was the smartest girl here. Apparently her dad was a professor and her mom was some genius, and she had some fancy laptop which made her better than everyone else. And now she had a 'healthier' relationship with her "Snookums" which added to her numerous popularity-boosting qualities. Rumor had it though, that her little boyfriend raided stores and picked pockets on the streets. How lovely!

Annabeth tiptoed quickly over to the blue bean bag by Sheryl's desk. "Do you think he'll come and visit me again?" she asked, squealing at the thought.

Sheryl shrugged. "What happened to that Percy guy. He was cool…"

Annabeth snorted, "Oh him. He can't compare to my Babykins. My Snuggy-Wuggy stole my heart!"

"Mkay. But if your boyfriend comes climbing through the window while I'm in a towel…I'm going to have to decline," Sheryl insisted.

Annabeth curled a hair with her finger, "He did steal the moment didn't he!"

Sheryl nodded irritated, "Sure did. Now can I please study…" she motioned towards her book. Annabeth waved it off.

"I don't need to study as much, so I understand," Annabeth said.

Sheryl found her page number and right when she's got it memorized, RING RRRRING! RING RRRRING!

She flopped her head on the desk. "My Puffly-Wuffly! I missed you!" Annabeth screeched. "I was about to call you…but I guess you read my mind as usual! I wish you'd come visit me…you're good at traveling, duh…Honey, baby your dad is, uh-" Annabeth turned to see if Sheryl was paying attention (which she, duh, was) and whispered, "Hermes. Can't you hijack the car?"

Sheryl's eye widened. She couldn't take it anymore. "Annabeth hang up please!" She slammed her book closed, and she quickly got into her bed and shuffled under the covers. "I'm trying to fall asleep!"

Annabeth sighed and spent a few minutes arguing who should hang up first. Annabeth settled herself under the covers and flicked the lights off.

Finally peace and quiet…

"Do you think he and I are a great couple?" echoed in the room.

Sheryl responded with a hmmm and turned in the bed. She knew about this boyfriend Connor of hers for the past two months. He had snuck through the windows during the worst situations like Sheryl just getting out of the shower, Sheryl changing out of her sports bra, Sheryl stubbing her toe and cursing every word in the book and many to follow. And he'd give her these ridiculously priced jewelry or books which he specially gets with some twists…And they'd make out in front of her. Besides the countless phone calls every three minutes and the constant mentioning of the two…Sheryl couldn't care less.

Sheryl closed her eyes and soon she found herself floating between reality and her dream

RRING RING RRING RING.

"CONNER! I thought you'd forgotten about me, Honey-Bunny!"

Aw shoot.

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><p>Hi guys! Here's a new kind of chapter for this. I know the format is weird and it's longer than usual, but hey: change is good!<p>

Note: I know that Annabeth is OOC. It's on purpose to get the point across. No flames are necessary. And yes this is a parody, meant for humor.

Next we have: RACHEL!

Woohoo!

Until next time…Peace and Blessings!

(I don't own PJO, nor the characters…or any crack!)

:D

~Bubbles


	5. Clarissea and Grover: Clover

PJO Couples on Crack

Couples we all know that shouldn't happen. "Heartwarming moments" between couples that never would last.

Clarisse and Grover: Clover! AH WHAT AN EPICO NAME!

PS: I know I said this would be Rachel's chapter, but this seemed much more suitable.

Warning: Has some purposeful OOC, just to show how insane this is. May cause extreme case of WTFRS: What the Fuuuu Repeating Syndrome. Read at own risk. ;)

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><p>Clarisse stuffed another peppermint into her mouth as she reflexively flipped the channels of the TV set. Yawning again as <em>another <em>Holiday Special brightened the screen, she switched the TV off. She would have adored to go do something useful, like go to the gym down the street and pump iron so hard all the muscle men would stop and gape at her, or go see a wrestling match, or go for a jog.

But no.

It was snowing. Clarisse insisted it was not too much, but just then the weather lady showed the snow storms that would occur for the next week, making Grover's and her argument invalid. So, she couldn't leave the apartment because it was stupid winter in stupid New York.

Stupid earth rotation.

After another feminist argument with Grover about how unfair it was that he got to leave the apartment and she couldn't, Clarisse really felt like ripping apart the cushions on the red saggy couch.

But, whatever. Girls should get used to it, a voice mocked in her head.

Clarisse wanted to break a lamp. Something good like that.

But then again, Grover really needed to go defrost some bushes that held secret nymphs and all. Or they'd die in the cold.

But, getting ripped biceps is important like that, too!

Right?

Right?

With a sigh, Clarisse flopped back onto the couch and angrily (yet guiltily) plopped another peppermint into her mouth.

The door creaked open. "Clare-bear, I'm home! How have you been for the past three hours?" Grover beamed as he walked through the door. Clarisse's anger melted away. She loved their pet names for another.

"Well, Grove-Love, I've been very bored." She sighed dramatically. Grover brought out such a new side to her.

Grover bleh-ed like a goat when he saw how filthy the living room was. "Look at all those wrappers on the floor! Bleh!"he declaimed as he quickly snatched up the scattered plastic wraps on the floor. He was about to throw them in the garbage bin until Clarisse decided to ask him something that might have increase in his interest.

"Hey, Grovey-Bunny, how about you not throw those away? Like isn't trash bad and hooha? Why not just throw them into the fireplace and-"

Grover gasped, placing a hand to his heart. "Clarisse!" he chided, "burning plastic is worse than garbage! Want to choke on carbon monoxide?"

She opened her mouth to say, "That's sounds cool!"

But he interrupted, "That was a rhetorical question, Clarisse!"

She grumbled some foul language and clicked the TV back on. She tried to look interested in the hardcore wrestling match going on, but Grover knew that her mind was replaying what had happened and how he had scolded her. Usually, she was the one yelling at him whenever he did something remotely stupid. She wasn't used to being on the bottom, so she was flustered.

"I appreciate that you were trying to help out! It's the thought that counts!" he coaxed, sitting on the couch next to her. She crossed her arms and looked away, but in the corner of her eyes she was still watching the wrestling match.

"Get your flimsy arms off me and go step on a lego," she said, gritting through her teeth.

"But, Clarey-Barey! I know how hard it must be for you to have to stay inside all day! I assumed you'd be either doing pull ups with that bar I got Percy to install! Or watching wrestling or something like that! I thought you'd be happy!" he insisted, grabbing her hand.

She shook it off and told him, "If you want me to happy, drop down and give me fifty! Then go get me some meat! Some big red juicy meat!"

He nodded his head and dropped to the floor and began to try to do pushups. "Anything for you, Cuddle-Bunny!" he said before he grunted from the discomfort.

"I don't want girl pushups! I want manly pushups!" she bellowed. "And make it 100, since you're pissing me off more!"

He nodded his head, sweat dripping from his brow. "As you wish, my Princess!"

He saw her nod her head, which meant she was content. So he focused on clearing the shame he'd put on Clarisse and himself by finishing up the pushups.

Clarisse went back to watching her wrestling. She hadn't been mad at him in the end. She just wanted him to shut up and get more beef on his arms so she wasn't embarrassed by him at the gym. And she liked how he'd do anything for her enjoyment like he was her little puppet. She was back on top again!

And it was kind of funny too, watching him suffer.

**Happy Holidays! **

**I know, I promised this would be Rachel's chapter, but she is so darn difficult to pair up with! And this was so fun to write too! It was all wintery and hooha! **

**(I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians, nor any or the characters. Or any crack.)**

**:P**

**~Bubbles **


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